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A fool no longer...

April 1st, 2012 at 05:41 pm

Since it is April Fools Day, I figure it is time to admit what a fool I have been, face it, confess it, and start my journey out of foolishness.

I stumbled across this website while looking for places to research and find like minded folks as I have decided it is time (well past time actually) for me to get out of debt, and into planning and living the life I want.

Here is my back story...my Dad passed away when I was a senior in high school, very unexpectedly. This did two things...it made my Mom start living for today because "You can't take it with you when you go" and it created a void in my family....that we filled by shopping, eating out, etc.

My Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer the very next year...another blow to the stability of my family. I am happy to say she is still around all these years later, though she did have to battle a return of her cancer 10 years after the first time.

When I graduated from college, and got my first job...I lived at home for another 2 years to pay my Mom rent, so she could pay off some debt she incurred in sending me to college. It worked out pretty well, but I did not save any money, and looking back, I should have.

Right before I moved out...my cousin's wife was undergoing a lung transplant....she had become a very good friend of mine, and was only 3 years older then me. While Mom was gone out of state at the hospital with them for the transplant....I discovered tv shopping....QVC...HSN...not a good thing. Sadly, my cousin's wife passed away a week after the transplant.

I moved out, and no longer had to explain packages...and packages came to me...a lot! I also had a best friend who was not financially well off (of course I was not either looking back, but hey, I had a full time job, she did not) and I ended up paying for a lot of outings when she was home from graduate school...phone bills, gifts to cheer her up as she struggled with depression, and the debt climbed.

I knew the shopping was filling a void in my life...and yet, I still did it.

I met my husband, and knew he was the one pretty quickly. I even showed him my "box room"...you know, the room I stacked all the QVC boxes etc in...he did not run away. We decided to get married, and we had the "lay it all out" meeting...I told him about my debt...he told me about his student loan debt, and other debt...neither of us ran.

We got married, and in doing so, created more debt...not really for the wedding, as we did a simple in the park wedding...but in getting us living together...for a month we had 3 apartments to pay rent on...and frankly we both were not good at denying ourselves, much less each other of things.

We also did not merge our money at first...I paid my bills, he paid his...and we both contributed to the rent and utility bills...as the years went on, and we bought cars and a house together...our finances merged. I hate to admit it, but this last year was the year we finally 100% merged our checking accounts...I wish we had done it sooner, but at least we did it.

Here I sit now...almost 8 years into my marriage...and I still have a shopping problem. I have cut back, a lot, since merging the money, because now my husband can see my money going into the account, and he can see my credit card payments. I can also see his.

We have struggled with infertility, and honestly...a big part of me has bought "stuff" to fill the baby void. I am coming to terms with whether or not baby ever happens, I need to address the debt issue for once and for all. And in addressing that issue, I have to address the shopping, which I feel is almost an addiction for me.

So my purpose of this blog is to create a safe place to address problems, issues, struggles I have on this journey, as well as to document the progress, and keep myself on track and accountable to myself.

I know I need to write down the debt...what it is, how much, where etc...and I will do that...I also need to create a budget, which sadly I have never done. I have no idea how much we spend on gas for the cars, or groceries, or eating out...so this really will be a process for me...it won't happen overnight, it won't always be easy, but I want this debt monkey off my back. I want to be financially free instead of chained down...

Thanks for reading all of this if you made it through...I hope to get to know a lot of you in this journey.

13 Responses to “A fool no longer...”

  1. frugalgirl Says:

    Congratulations on making a committment to get your finances in order!

  2. Looking Forward Says:

    Welcome! Glad you have come to join us. Blogging here is a great way to keep on-track and get good ideas.
    Now when you log on to your internet just come here instead of shopping. Smile

  3. wowitsawonderfullife Says:

    Welcome! Glad you have identified one of your symptoms as a spending issue. It's quite odd, once you meet like minded people on this site it seems like sometimes you see that spending money has no value. I'll tell you, as someone who loves to acquire stuff, this place has made me see that it's just a useless waste of time. Good luck.

  4. patientsaver Says:

    Before I gave up cable, I also got rather hooked on watching HSN, mainly. And yeah, I did buy some things from time time, but it didn't really get out of hand. I watched it because, being a marketing writer, I was fascinated with the way they sell their products. By becoming your "friend," by making it seem like the sales pitch is a comfy conversation with friends, by convincing you, if you just give them long enough, that this is something you simply can't live without becus it's such a great deal. Etc. etc. I am still intrigued by their smooth sales pitches. Maybe if you saw it for what it is, it would help prevent you from making that emotional connection with the purchase decision.

  5. crazyliblady Says:

    Welcome and congrats on taking a first step in becoming financially free. You will find many friends here. We have all been where you are now to one degree or another. If you need advice, it might help if we could see a budget and list of debts, so we could give you some pointers. I look forward to your posts. Let us know how you are doing.

  6. creditcardfree Says:

    Welcome to Saving Advice! I wish you all the best in getting on the right financial track.

  7. Swimgirl Says:

    Welcome!

  8. LuckyRobin Says:

    Welcome. This is the best place I know of to get your financial act together.

  9. NJDebbie Says:

    Welcome! I'm glad you took the first step towards debt elimination.

  10. Ima saver Says:

    Welcome, I am so glad you joined us! Let's pay off that debt!!

  11. DogDiva Says:

    Hi guys! Thanks for all the warm welcomes...it was actually hard to decide to start this blog...but I know it is what I need to to in order to stay accountable...totals will be coming soon!

  12. SicilyYoder Says:

    In my opinion, Caisse Tea helps with cancer.

  13. scrappytappy Says:

    Welcome. You can do this. I made this blog so I would feel accountable for my financial decisions. It's worked so far!

    No one is ever perfect 100% of the time. If you stumble, get back up and try again. You will make progress even if it's slow. Good luck! I can't wait to "get to know you" on the internet at least Smile

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